The One With No Sick Leave

I've been determined to write my third blog entry for over a week now, but we got hit. It started with Andy's runny nose, moved onto my headache, chest cough and sore throat, and grew into an ugly home intruder that I would have gladly shot, when it gave Eamon a three day fever accompanied by body aches. I have always hated being sick. I hate when my husband is sick. But I now realize being sick and being a mom means, you're still the mom. You don't get to be sick. You don't get to call in sick and stay in bed all day and drink ginger ale and eat chicken noodle soup and watch incredibly sappy chick flicks you've seen a billion times. You don't have any sick leave.

I suppose I should be thankful that Andy didn't get any worse than a runny nose. Or that I should somehow thank God that we were able to send Andy to the in-home daycare she attends two days a week, last week, so that I could at least get a little rest. But I didn't feel thankful, I felt guilty. Guilty that I sent her to be taken care of by someone else when I wasn't even going to the my office. Granted, I did spend the better part of the morning on email and answering voicemail in my oh so sexy, scratchy, sounds like I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes last night, raw throat voice. But, that's not the point. I'd heard of mother's guilt but now feeling it is different. The weekend came and went in a blur. I somehow managed to get up at 7:30 when Andy woke up on Saturday and 6:45 when she decided it was playtime on Sunday. I could have been angry with her. But one look at her face and I suddenly didn't feel so bad.

We're on the mend now and focusing on the upcoming weekend. I'm so excited for baby Andy's Halloween costumes. That's right that's plural - costumeS! I couldn't decide! Once Halloween has passed it's time to set our sights on the big baptism weekend which is leaning toward being a wonderful family filled celebration!  

For now though, it's back to the cough, sniffle, blow nose, wash hands routine we've been mastering for about 5 days now. 

The One With the RFPs and Pumping

First let me say this:  I'm not an authority on babies, or breastmilk, or the effect of breastmilk on a baby's development. What I do know is that I've made the best choice for my family and for me. My choice is to exclusively breastfeed our baby girl until we introduce solids she reaches a year of age. I've said all along my plan was to breastfeed for at least the first year of her life. Even once we introduce her to solids (hopefully around 6 months or maybe sooner), she'll still need the nutritional benefits of breastmilk. However, I also said I wanted to have a natural drug free birth and we see how that turned out. Vowing to try to achieve at least one of my goals for raising this baby, I commit to breastfeeding my baby until she's at least one year old.

What does this mean for me (the weekday professional)?

We have a unique day care arrangement. Baby girl Andy goes to an in-home daycare/nannie in the nearby and neighboring town of Round Hill on Mondays and Fridays (more to come regarding that added expense in a future post), my mother in law watches her on Tuesdays and she's at home with her poppa on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Me:  I go to the office every day. My routine is the same as it was before I had the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. (yes, I'm biased - but in case you want to decide for yourself - a picture).

Well, okay, I'm stretching the truth. My routine is ALMOST the same as it was before I had the most beautiful baby I've ever seen (what? you want another picture...fine!)

 

What I'm trying to get at, is that my drive to the office is now accompanied by a nice leather satchel purse looking thing. It's contents provide me with the tools to supply each of Andy's caregivers with bottles of expressed breastmilk. Bottles they can feed her while I'm away from her. Seems simple enough. Pump enough bottles each day so that the next day, her caregiver can feed her my breastmilk. Simple. Sure. Um, hardly. It's hard. It hurts from time to time (and yes I'm doing it right). It reminds me I'm away from her. It breaks up my workday and not always in a good way. Simple. Yeah right! It's like I have two kids. Andy and The Pump. Don't get me wrong, I love feeding her. It give us some special time together, just the two of us. No one else in the world will have that with her. I race home each evening after work so I can have that first nursing session. It relaxes me, calms and soothes her and reminds me that I'm doing the right thing. The right thing for me and my family. And what's the greatest reward? When she's nursing and she stops to look up at me and stares into my eyes and smiles her sweet, innocent smile. There is a connection that happens in that moment that is beyond anything I can explain. It's like, in her own little way, she's saying thank you. Thank you momma for feeding me the good stuff and thank you for the bottles you work so hard to pump for me, but most of all thank you momma for letting me have the "fresh milk" from you whenever we're together.

I've been back at work now 4 weeks if someone were to ask me how the pumping was going - my answer would be a disappointed sounding "alright I guess". I often delay or put off pumping at work for distractions, meetings, getting busy and a whole host of other excuses and therefore sometimes don't pump as often as I need to. Because of that, my supply is suffering. I get enough bottles and ounces but it's harder than it was in the beginning. In the past two days I've re-vowed to get back on track with pumping with enough frequency and trying not to worry about how much I am pumping (lord knows she's not starving with the rolls I see on those thighs). I've also added a natural supplement, it's called MotherLove More Milk Plus. I'm praying it helps.

We're looking forward to the weekend. Baptism class at church, a balloon festival, maybe a trip to the pumpkin patch if I can convince the hubby and a country club brunch with Andy's Uncle Bennie and Auntie Lauren. How will I ever decide what will she will wear????

Good A Time As Any

My name is Jenn and I'm a blogger.

Typing out that statement somehow makes it more real.  As if now that it's in printed text, I can't take it back. I had made a commitment when I was pregnant with our baby girl that I would write her all these letters. Letters she could look back on and read when she was older and understand the thoughts, emotions and anticipation we had waiting for her arrival. Letters that told her about my hopes and dreams for her childhood and beyond. Letters that described what it was like to feel her move around inside my ever expanding belly. Letters that told her of our surprise when we found out she was coming into our lives. Letters about the endless doctors visits, swollen feet, pregnancy acne, and other joys of pregnancy. Letters about our beautiful wedding and how she was there with us, even though she couldn't see us, we could feel her.

But (insert screeching record), I'm the Director of Meetings for an association, who's 1400 attendee annual meeting was planned for less than a month after my due date. I had no time to write letters to her. Heck - I I barely had time to breath (or I could barely breath) - either way I didn't write those letters. When I did have a free minute, I planned our wedding, got the house ready for her arrival, traveled to Vegas, San Diego, Italy, New Orleans, Central Virginia North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia, but mostly... I just slept. Pregnancy exhausted me. I was more tired when I was pregnant than I am now and she's a fast growing 4 month old.

So, now that she IS four months old and growing faster than I ever thought she would I've decided to start a blog. (Sidenote: everyone tells you .... oh it goes so fast and if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I could pay for this terrible habit I've got for buying her adorable clothes that I know will only fit for max two months.)

I'll keep my first post brief. In closing - a list of a few scattered random things about our little family.
1. We live in a house that's 100 years old in Purcellville, VA
2. We found out we were pregnant when we were in New Orleans working with Habitat for Humanity
3. We got engaged in Venice Italy

 4. We got married on March 13, 2010 in a torrential rain (what's that about rain on your wedding day?)
5. Our daughter was born on June 9, 2010 (two 1/2 weeks early)
6. We spent the first 3 months of her life - traveling the east coast - she'd been to every state except FL on the east coast before she was 3 months old.
7. We're both back at work now and figuring out a routine of daycare, nannies, solid foods, cloth diapers, making our own baby food, child development plans, nap schedules, bedtime routines, vaccine schedules and everything in between.

Hopefully my blog will be interesting to read, make you laugh, bring you back for more but most of all, I just have too many random thoughts in my head and I hope this blog provides me with an outlet for them.